I’m An Unabashedly, Aggressively, Transparently Chalant Woman. Deal With It

 

 

 

Why the Woman Who “Has It All” Doesn’t Really Exist, brought to my attention by Austin Petersen:

The most maddening thing about these new expectations? We’re not supposed to care about them. In the Wonder Woman world, perfection is meant to come easily. Look at late-night phenom Chelsea Handler swearing, “I don’t like to be that aggressive or ambitious,” or svelte Blake Lively proclaiming, “I’d rather have a little bit of cellulite and go do a food trip and try every ice-cream place in the South.” These women have extraordinary lives, but their nonchalance is the final flourish.

Well let me just be the first to say it. My results may not be anywhere near theirs, but I am trying. really. hard.

I am extremely aggressive and ambitious, constantly writing and then promoting what I’ve written, and myself, so that people will pay attention to me. My ambition constantly outstrips my talent, especially when I’m trying to be funny, which I do often.

I work out multiple times a week, sometimes forgoing sleep and paying good money for a gym membership. I watch what I eat, and adjust volume and content according to how fat I feel.

I am unabashedly, aggressively, transparently chalant. And that’ll just need to be okay.

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